Aotearoa, January 2020
A much loved rabbit ‘WANTED – Dead or Alive’ for past bad behaviour!
DAY 1: Louis Lapin snuck out last night and is upset that he couldn’t find one single lettuce in any of the neighbouring gardens.
DAY 2: What am I to do with a demented rabbit who can’t find his favourite delicacies?
DAY 3: Louis Lapin is beside himself. He ventured out in the pouring rain and returned with just one miserable carrot.
DAY4: My patience is being tried, with Louis raiding the fridge in the middle of the night.
DAY 5: Louisa is back in NZ, but has been in quarantine for the past three weeks. For some reason Louis seems to be freaking out.
DAY 6: Louisa is headed our way. Louis is concerned that Louisa will burst our bubble by breaking in to borrow the high-heeled shoes.
DAY 7: Already the siblings are not on speaking terms. She is holed up in his burrow with a packet of his favourite chocolate biscuits.
DAY 8: Talk about Hot Cross Bunnies! Both of them are now racing around the lounge, because he bit her tail – he says by mistake.
Our favourite fur-ball has a fetish for high-heeled shoes and pearls!
DAY 9: These two rabbits never really got on. Actually she is his step-sister – same father, different mothers!
DAY 10: “Uncle” Romero – charmed the pants off Louis’ mother, skipped back across the Italian border to shack up with a younger bunny, Louisa’s mother.
DAY 11: Talking of knickers – Louis has been stealing thongs and trading them as face-masks at an exorbitant rate. Six carrots for one G – String.
DAY 12: Bad boy applied for a job delivering Easter eggs (an essential service) but he was turned down because of his flat feet.
DAY 13: Louisa scored a pre-Easter production line job but was fired on her first day for dipping her ears in the chocolate. She always was a sucker with a sweet tooth.
DAY 14: Loving the thrill of the chase, Louis slipped on the soap in the shower, while pursuing you-know-who. Quite a nasty accident – I fear his antics could be curtailed for some time.
DAY15: Louisa fancies herself as a nurse. Imagine the power trip! She just took his temperature which wasn’t really necessary – or was it!?
DAY 16: Wonder-girl is off to Bunnythorpe where Uncle Gerard is a squatter-farmer growing carrots. Louis is hopping mad and has scoffed the stash of the Easter eggs under her bed.
DAY 17: Louisa is back. All of a sudden, there seems to be an awful lot of Easter eggs and carrots in our fridge. Louis has eaten so many of each that he has come out in a rash.
Lockdown continues, tempers are frayed, and the drama is never ending…
DAY 18: Uncle Gerard has become quite unhinged over the carrot burglary – aimlessly driving around the paddock in a stolen tractor.
DAY 19: Our furry friend is not in a good space – upset because his sister broke his favourite string of my pearls. I fear for his state of mind… and mine!
DAY 20: Louis has offspring he doesn’t want to know about – dozens of them. I notice a rabbit from the Social Welfare Department is sniffing around.
DAY 21: Our wayward bunny wants to know what a Paternity Suit is. He asked if it includes a waistcoat.
DAY 22: Dear Louisa has offered to knit him a beetroot-red angora woolen waistcoat. He is not that concerned if it is colour-fast or not.
DAY 23: By way of saying thanks, Louis gave Louisa a very hot radish, instead of the planned Easter egg which is now long gone.
Day 24: Boredom has really set in. Louis stole my lipstick, making an awful mess of the tube. His lips now have that Botox effect.
Day 25: I feel Louis needs to learn a serious lesson, but I doubt that he will.
Day 26: This time Louis is in big trouble. He stole the cat’s pajamas. This crime carries a maximum sentence of one month without jellimeat. However, he could get off on a technicality.
Our loveable rascal continues to test the patience of all concerned!
Day 27: Louis has joined the sophisticated Angora Underground Movement dealing in luxury items such a toothpaste, lipstick, nail-polish, and perfume.
Day 28: The Rabbito Police Force raided last night, looking for stolen contraband. They were asking a lot of pertinent questions. To my knowledge, neither delinquent has been out of the country recently.
Day 29: Louisa being the smarter of the two fur-balls, is setting up an online dating service called Love Bunny. Of course she is on the lookout for the perfect hot date!
Day 30: Louis is stress eating, and rapidly putting on weight. Yesterday I found him stuck head-first in the rubbish tin. Getting him out was like pulling a cork out of a bottle.
Day 31: With the possibility of Lockdown being extended, Louis realizes that for him it could be a case of Lockup not Lockdown.
Day 32: Another fight broke out about whether parsnips should be sliced or diced. Louis has black eye. Louisa has a broken a tooth.
The new normal will be very different, even for a wayward rabbit!
Day 33: Deciding burglary is not the way to go, Louisa has joined the Green Party as she is quite open to eating a wide variety of vegetables.
Day 34: Being a little more enterprising Louis has joined the Lagomorph Society (rabbit mafia) to get the lowdown on the Stock Exchange, Futures, and Insider Trading.
Day 35: Today is Louis’ 21st birthday! His mother (Madame Derriere Grande) who runs a brothel in Auckland, sent him the key to The Hutch. What a joke!
Day 36: There has been an outbreak of Myxomatosis (viral rabbit disease) in Bunnythorpe, Uncle Gerard who is 70+ didn’t self-isolate. Plus he is suffering from Alzheimer’s and can’t remember where he last squatted.
Day 37: The writing is on the wall of the hutch for poor old Uncle Gerard. He is in Intensive Care, being drip-fed carrot juice.
Day 38: Uncle Gerard popped his clogs and skipped off to Bunny Heaven. I wonder who will move to Bunnythorpe and take up the Squatter-ship.
Day 39: Louis is chewing over the idea of giving the inherited squatter-ship to Louisa provided she is prepared to sow and harvest all the carrots. Personally, I can’t see this working!
Day 40: The world is a very different place. Louis has had to resort to modeling again.
And Louisa has been forced to return to the oldest profession in the book!
Jan Waterfield is a practicing artist living in Waikanae on the Kapiti Coast, Aotearoa New Zealand. She says of her painting and stories:
I see painting as a means of visual story-telling,
but often when I paint, poems and storylines emerge.
Although my painting tends towards realism
it always contains element of fantasy,
which I like to describe as gentle surrealism.
I created this light-hearted journal
during the first COVID Lockdown.
Louis Lapin has been with me for several years now.
However, he shows no sign of moving on.